The loss of community
25/09/16 05:23
A few days ago a friend asked me to give my take on the declines in church participation that have been shown in virtually every poll on religion in recent years. He wasn’t asking about our particular church, but rather about the national trends of shrinking churches and increasing numbers of people who express no religious preference. He noted that similar declines are occurring in other community organizations such as service clubs.
I don’t really have much information to add to such a discussion. His information appeared to be accurate and although I try to keep up with research, I don’t base my ministry on that kind of research. I spoke of a couple of different attempts that we have made at reaching out to those not involved in church and of my observation that young adults across the board, even those who are nominally members of churches, appear to be less involved. They attend less frequently and, in many cases, less regularly than did their parents. I reflected on events and activities that we have planned to bring young adults together in our church and the challenges of scheduling. Our conversation soon drifted off into observations about the choice of many people to live lives that are over scheduled and over committed.
I’ve been thinking about the conversation ever since. My worry for many people in today’s world is that they don’t have the strength of community backing them up that we have experienced in our lives. The failure to form community seems to be a hallmark of our society. I am reminded of the adages that I was taught about faith early in my life: “Faith is not for the good times, but for the hard times.” “Anyone can believe when things are going well, it is when disaster strikes that you need to have faith.” In general, we have it pretty easy in our society. The state of health care means that most young people don’t experience life-threatening illness. Although the economy isn’t growing at a rate that allows for upward mobility for many, there is a sense that the status quo can be maintained with a few adjustments and corrections. We live at a fairly high level of luxury when compared to previous generations. Many have not faced much hardship at this stage in their life’s journey.
All of that is fine until a crisis occurs. I wonder if today’s “nones” (people who profess no religious affiliation) have the systems of support that are required in difficult times.
My volunteer work with the Sheriff’s Office and our LOSS (Local Outreach to Survivors of Suicide) team has frequently placed me in the homes of people facing severe crises. I have witnessed the power of community as a person struggling with devastating grief is transformed into the center of care and concern by the arrival of friends and family. I have also sat with people who face devastating news in relative isolation and feel lost and alone as they struggle with the process of facing their grief and loss.
I remember sitting with a woman who had just received the news of the death of her teenage son. As the impact of the initial shock began to fade and she recovered her ability to speak, she began to question me about what she was going to do. I tried to guide here in setting forth a simple set of things that she might do that day, such as calling a clergy person, notifying family and friends, choosing a funeral home, She didn’t belong to a church. She didn’t know any minister or religious leader. The number of relatives and friends who needed to be notified was shockingly short and she was not eager to talk to any of them. She dreaded the thought of making phone calls to anyone. Her husband, who was not the father of the son who died, was present, but didn’t know how to assist to her. She asked me to recommend a funeral home. While I can list the funeral homes in our community, I am in no place to recommend one above another. Each of the tasks of the day was overwhelming to her and she was immobilized and unable to act. I moved to a more basic level, offering to get her a glass of water, asking if she needed a jacket or blanket, recommending a couple of things that she could do for self care. In time, we were able to formulate a basic plan for the rest of the evening.
That experience contrasts so starkly with some homes where I have visited as family and friends are already assembling, offering love and care and support and assistance. The doorbell rings and more food is taken into the kitchen. A pastor arrives and offers a prayer. People ask if they can help with phone calls. There is usually one or more people who simply pitch in and start cooking and cleaning. The suffering person is surrounded by a community of care and concern.
I am well aware that churches are not the only meaningful communities in people’s lives, but it does seem that there are more and more people in today’s world who do not have any community to back them up. Since my vocation has been the church, I think first of church as the place to build relationships and form community. I continue to be very attentive to nurturing community as a routine part of my job.
As I mull the conversation with my friend, I understand his concern that churches are losing members. I know that decreased membership means decreased donations and decreased budgets. I am well aware of cutbacks in various settings of the church. I have served my entire career in the climate of institutional decline. I understand the tragedy of churches losing members.
That tragedy pales in comparison to the tragedy of people losing their churches. The institution may decline, but it doesn’t experience the suffering of those who have no community.
We have plenty of work to do to help to build up community in the lives of those who have none.
I don’t really have much information to add to such a discussion. His information appeared to be accurate and although I try to keep up with research, I don’t base my ministry on that kind of research. I spoke of a couple of different attempts that we have made at reaching out to those not involved in church and of my observation that young adults across the board, even those who are nominally members of churches, appear to be less involved. They attend less frequently and, in many cases, less regularly than did their parents. I reflected on events and activities that we have planned to bring young adults together in our church and the challenges of scheduling. Our conversation soon drifted off into observations about the choice of many people to live lives that are over scheduled and over committed.
I’ve been thinking about the conversation ever since. My worry for many people in today’s world is that they don’t have the strength of community backing them up that we have experienced in our lives. The failure to form community seems to be a hallmark of our society. I am reminded of the adages that I was taught about faith early in my life: “Faith is not for the good times, but for the hard times.” “Anyone can believe when things are going well, it is when disaster strikes that you need to have faith.” In general, we have it pretty easy in our society. The state of health care means that most young people don’t experience life-threatening illness. Although the economy isn’t growing at a rate that allows for upward mobility for many, there is a sense that the status quo can be maintained with a few adjustments and corrections. We live at a fairly high level of luxury when compared to previous generations. Many have not faced much hardship at this stage in their life’s journey.
All of that is fine until a crisis occurs. I wonder if today’s “nones” (people who profess no religious affiliation) have the systems of support that are required in difficult times.
My volunteer work with the Sheriff’s Office and our LOSS (Local Outreach to Survivors of Suicide) team has frequently placed me in the homes of people facing severe crises. I have witnessed the power of community as a person struggling with devastating grief is transformed into the center of care and concern by the arrival of friends and family. I have also sat with people who face devastating news in relative isolation and feel lost and alone as they struggle with the process of facing their grief and loss.
I remember sitting with a woman who had just received the news of the death of her teenage son. As the impact of the initial shock began to fade and she recovered her ability to speak, she began to question me about what she was going to do. I tried to guide here in setting forth a simple set of things that she might do that day, such as calling a clergy person, notifying family and friends, choosing a funeral home, She didn’t belong to a church. She didn’t know any minister or religious leader. The number of relatives and friends who needed to be notified was shockingly short and she was not eager to talk to any of them. She dreaded the thought of making phone calls to anyone. Her husband, who was not the father of the son who died, was present, but didn’t know how to assist to her. She asked me to recommend a funeral home. While I can list the funeral homes in our community, I am in no place to recommend one above another. Each of the tasks of the day was overwhelming to her and she was immobilized and unable to act. I moved to a more basic level, offering to get her a glass of water, asking if she needed a jacket or blanket, recommending a couple of things that she could do for self care. In time, we were able to formulate a basic plan for the rest of the evening.
That experience contrasts so starkly with some homes where I have visited as family and friends are already assembling, offering love and care and support and assistance. The doorbell rings and more food is taken into the kitchen. A pastor arrives and offers a prayer. People ask if they can help with phone calls. There is usually one or more people who simply pitch in and start cooking and cleaning. The suffering person is surrounded by a community of care and concern.
I am well aware that churches are not the only meaningful communities in people’s lives, but it does seem that there are more and more people in today’s world who do not have any community to back them up. Since my vocation has been the church, I think first of church as the place to build relationships and form community. I continue to be very attentive to nurturing community as a routine part of my job.
As I mull the conversation with my friend, I understand his concern that churches are losing members. I know that decreased membership means decreased donations and decreased budgets. I am well aware of cutbacks in various settings of the church. I have served my entire career in the climate of institutional decline. I understand the tragedy of churches losing members.
That tragedy pales in comparison to the tragedy of people losing their churches. The institution may decline, but it doesn’t experience the suffering of those who have no community.
We have plenty of work to do to help to build up community in the lives of those who have none.